JAMES CRUISE Ministries Blog

God chooses what we go through. We choose how we go through it.

Guilt – Get Over It

Guilt is a big issue for many people that have gone through a divorce.

Guilt is a big issue for many people that have become a widow or widower.

Both spouses may experience feelings of guilt; they do so at somewhat different times.

If you are unable to overcome your guilt, make an appointment with a counselor who can help you work through your feelings and cope with them better.  Seek professional help.

Forgive yourself. You are human, and you make mistakes. You are not inherently evil because of your actions that led to the divorce.

Accept responsibility for your actions that led to the divorce.  Accepting responsibility not only leads to more constructive behavior for you, it also keeps the children from blaming themselves for the divorce.

Understand the nature of guilt. People feel guilt when they believe they committed a wrongdoing or acted hurtfully. The individual believes he is a bad person because of the bad behavior and should be punished.

Transform the guilt into remorse. Recognizing that the bad behavior does not lead to the badness of the person turns guilt into remorse. Guilt targets the self, whereas remorse focuses on the behavior.

Overcoming the feelings of guilt is necessary to start healing.

Guilt may be the strongest where it involves your children.

You’re not perfect, and that’s OK.

Divorce is like death.

The spouse leaving the marriage can feel guilt over leaving the marriage, no matter how unhealthy the marriage had become.

On the other hand, the spouse that was left may do a lot of hand wringing over various “if only” issues.  If only I had been a better provider, lover, caregiver, companion, the spouse leaving the marriage wouldn’t have gone.

“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves – at what we did or did not do. Resentment is anger directed at others – at what they did or did not do.”   Peter McWilliams




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