JAMES CRUISE Ministries Blog

God chooses what we go through. We choose how we go through it.

Archive for the month “June, 2013”

Understanding Your Child’s Pain

When your children lose a parent, their security blanket has been snatched away.

Their trust in you and their other parent has been broken.  It may take a long time before they trust either of you again.

Their emotions are all in turmoil. They don’t know what to think or believe anymore.

Your children are hurting; no matter what they tell you, their age or maturity.

They can exhibit wide mood swings from lashing out in anger one moment to curled up in their bedroom feeling hurt and unloved.

Normal changes in growing up are hard enough on your children.  Add to those changes, changes in their daily lives due to the loss of a parent or a divorce leaves these changes almost impossible for your children to bear and overcome.

Your child’s feelings of self worth are dependent on your child’s feelings of security.

When your child’s physical living arrangements, his room, his home, his siblings, are changed he loses his stability.

To help your children overcome their pain you must tell them over and over again how much you love them.

They need your assurance that you will be there for them no matter what and that everything will be alright.

Your children need you to stay positive and upbeat, smile a lot and keep a sense of humor.  Act as much as you can like you did before the changes.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts,there can be no more hurt, only more love.”    Mother Teresa

Sick-child

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Traditions

When family traditions are broken or changed, something inside of us dies.

Your family identity is closely tied to your family traditions.

Your children thrive on tradition.  They look forward to your family traditions.

Become flexible when it comes to old family traditions.

You won’t be able to keep all your old family traditions.

You will have to begin some new family traditions.

It is best to try a combination of some old and some new family traditions.

Include your children in which traditions to keep and which traditions to do away with or change.  Sit around the table and give everyone their say into how to handle family traditions.

Minor changes in traditions can make them work for your new situation.

Changing traditions will be challenging and hurtful.

Don’t take changing traditions lightly.

Your children feel a sense of security when it comes to your family traditions.  Changes in your traditions will bring with them feelings of insecurity.

Traditions you will have to work through:

  • Holidays
  • Christmas
  • Thanksgiving
  • Birthdays
  • Vacations
  • Family get-togethers / Reunions

 

“Tradition simply means that we need to end what began well and

continue what is worth continuing.”

                                                                                             Jose Bergamin

7351 - Traditions

 

The Refrigerator – Your Family Museum

Display your children’s works in the most prestigious place in your home – on your refrigerator.

Your children love and admire their works and they love it even more when their works are displayed for everyone to see.

A great place to display photographs of each of your children.

Don’t leave any child out.

Be sure to balance the number of works per child so that they are equal. Your children can count. Be sure you can!

Display any awards they receive.

Grocery and to-do lists must be relegated to the refrigerator sides.

The front is for your children.

The “highest honor” you can give your children is for something about them or by them to be placed on your refrigerator.

P.S.  The sides of the refrigerator are not the same as the FRONT.  The FRONT is where all the glory is.

“Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children,

and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.”    Rosaleen Dickson

refrigerator art

The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas

A Must read book for those Contemplating Marriage

Don’t get married until you read this book

What if it’s not about who you marry, but why?

What if being in love isn’t a good enough reason to get married?

What if dating isn’t about finding “The One” but about serving the one who loves you most?

After all, if you don’t know why to marry, you won’t know who to marry?

the-sacred-search-book-cover

Statistics – You Are Not Alone

Thought you were alone?  You’re definitely not alone.  You’re in good company.  Just look around.

As a single parent you’re definitely not alone – not with over 13 million of you out there.  You all face similar challenges.  So take heart!  There’s definitely hope for you.

The following statistics may surprise you.  The number of single mothers increased between 1994 and 2006, from 3 million to 10.4 million; over the same time frame, the number of single fathers increased also, from 393,000 to 2.5 million.  Overall, 33 percent of all children that are under 18 years of age live in families where only one parent resides in the home.

Of children living with one parent:

      • 38% live with a divorced parent
      • 35% live with a never-married parent
      • 19% with a separated parent
      • 4% with a widowed parent
      • 4% with a parent whose spouse lives elsewhere

According to the latest United States Census Bureau, roughly 75 percent of all children in the U.S. will spend at least some time in a single-parent household.  In fact, of the households with children in the United States 69 % are two parent households while 31 % are now single parent households.  Each year the percentage of single parent household’s continues to grow. As you can see single-parent families are a diverse and ever growing segment of our social fabric and not uncommon at all, anymore.

Single parent dad’s account for 1 in every 45 households with children!

Welcome to the gang.

Logo Ministry w Pictures

 

Pray for Children of Single Parents

Remember to pray for the children in single parent homes as they shuttle back and forth this summer between their parent’s homes. Many want to be with both parents. As a child gets adjusted and comfortable in one home it is time to pack up and move again. Linda Ranson Jacobs

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Scheduling – Keep a Calendar

As a single parent you can’t make it without a calendar – it’s a must have.

You can’t trust your memory; it will fail you at the most important times.

Carry your calendar with you at all times.

Utilize the new technologies such as Microsoft Outlook, the I-Phone and the Blackberry.

A paper spiral monthly calendar will, also, do just fine.

Keep it up to date.

Don’t try to memorize it – you’ll always forget something important.

A day planner is a good idea.

Put all reoccurring dates like birthdays and anniversaries on your calendar.

Don’t forget to list doctor’s appointments, school events and holidays.

A calendar will save you much embarrassment with others and especially your children.

Preparation eliminates a lot of turmoil, sweat, and exasperation!

PLAN, PLAN, PLAN – You can never plan enough.

When things in your life become hectic and begin to fall apart, a good reason why these things are happening is that you needed to do a better job of scheduling.

Make your Planning/Calendar book the second most important book in your life, right behind your Bible.

 

“If I had eight hours to chop down a tree,

I’d spend six sharpening my axe.”

                                                                                                Abraham Lincoln

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Say “THANK YOU”

As a single parent:

You can’t ever say “Thank You” enough.

Without the help of others, we would never make it through life.

Say “Thank You” to your children.

Say “Thank You” to those who help you.

Say “Thank You” to those who love you.

Say “Thank You” to those that you love.

Say “Thank You” to everyone.  They all make your life a little better.

Say “Thank You” to God.

Oh yea, don’t forget to say “Thank You” to yourself.

 

God we thank you; we thank you because you are near.

                                                                                    Psalm 75:1

                         “I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks.”

                                                                                  William Shakespearethank-you-words

Grief and Your Children – Part 2

Your children need more help dealing with their grief than do you.

No one in a single-parent household experiences more loss and grief than do your children.  Don’t be all consumed with your loss of spouse.

On the outside your children may show rage, sadness, meanness, resentment, bitterness, filthy language, be uncontrollable; on the inside they are HURT.

You as the adult; must set the example for how your loss, becoming a single-parent household, will be handled.

Acknowledge your child’s loss when you see and hear it.

Children grieve in spurts.  Their pain may resurface later.

Your children have experienced a great deal of hurt in the past, this makes them scared of more hurt.

Your children can develop emotional walls to protect themselves from feeling their pain.

You can’t take away your children’s grief; you can only help them cope with the reality of their situation.

Consult a professional counselor if you think any of your children need one.  Your church may offer one that is free to its members.

stages-of-grief

 

 

Grief and Your Children – Part 1

Whether your children lost their parent through death, divorce or abandonment they experience an enormous amount of grief.

They do not know how to handle the grief they are feeling – they will need your help to work through their grief.

Your children will look for answers.  If you don’t give them answers that they can understand, they will make them up.

Telling your children about your feelings of grief is one of the best things you can do for your children.

Children don’t handle loss very well.

Children must go through the grieving process in order to heal from their loss.

Shutting your children out of the grieving process means that their grieving process will take longer than necessary and that they will be forced to cope without your support.

Spend a lot of time with your children.  Try to get them to open up and talk about their feelings.

For their grief there is no quick fix – it’s a long slow process that will require patience.

Remind your children that their parent loved them and help them remember the good times you had as a family before your spouse and their parent died or left.

Your children need more help dealing with their grief than do you.

“Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger than common joys.”

                                                                               Alphonse de Lamartinestages-of-grief

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