JAMES CRUISE Ministries Blog

God chooses what we go through. We choose how we go through it.

Archive for the month “July, 2013”

Recommended Book

“The Switching Hour” by Evon O. Flesberg

The Switching Hour is the time both hoped for and dreaded, when children go from one world to another as they shuttle between divorced parents.

Some 20 million children in the U.S. are shuttled between divorced parents. At each change, at each “switch” of location, children confront burdens and fears visible only to themselves. In this practical book, Dr. Flesberg reveals those burdens and fears to the parents, grandparents, teachers, and counselors who wish to help. Volney P. Gay Ph.D., VanderbiltUniversity

This book is endorsed by Linda Ranson Jacobs, Executive Director of DivorceCare for Kids

The switching hour

Will I ever feel better again?

You’re going through a grieving process that includes many varied and volatile emotions.  You may feel out of control.  You may even cry more than normal.  It will be a slow process that will take time.  But, yes, you will begin to feel better as each day goes by.  You will return to your old better self. In fact, you can be better than you ever have been. 

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How do I adjust?

Life is about changing and adjusting.  It’s a day to day thing.  It’s one step at a time. First you must stop feeling sorry for yourself and look for ways to fit in and move forward in your new life.  Adjusting means taking action.  It will be work, but you’re up to the task.  Go for it!

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How will I live on one salary?

As a single parent your income has probably taken a hit.  Your income is probably less than it was and your expenses are definitely more now.  You must lower your style of living to fit your new budget.  Look for ways to cut expenses. Look for ways to increase your income.  It’s now all about real needs, not wants. Get a budget and really stick to it.  You must watch what you spend from now on. You can live on just your salary. It won’t be easy, but you can do it.

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What about marrying again?

Remember if you are marrying again, your children are part of the package you bring with you into the marriage.  Your children have a most important say in you marrying again.  Don’t marry for the sake of the children, marry for love.  Date for several years to really get to see how your future mate gets along with both you and your children.  An important fact to know is that 60% 0f all second marriages end in divorce and 70% of all third marriages end in divorce. Always go slow when deciding to marry again.

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Unwed Mothers and Fathers – Opps!

38 % of all single parents have children out of wedlock. In my state of Mississippi it’s 50%.

Accidental pregnancies are nothing new.  You’re not the first.

In an ideal world you would not be in this situation.

You probably weren’t planning for this in your life at this time.  But here you are.

It’s now all about the child.

You’re friends and buddies will probably desert you.

Get involved with other single parents who are in your same boat.

You will need much help!  Help from parents, family, church, friends, neighbors, community workers and counselors.

Your financial situation is probably not what you need it to be.

Other single parents in different situations are making it.  You will make it too!

“Your children need your presence more than your presents.”

                                                                                              Jesse Jackson

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to                     have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

Elizabeth Stone

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Live Longer…

Married couples live longer and healthier lives than co-habiting and single counterparts.

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Invest Just 3% in Yourself

Invest three percent of your income in yourself (self-development) in order to guarantee your future.” — Brian Tracy, author and motivational speaker.

If you have a savings account and never make a deposit, you know what you’ve got at the end of the year.  If you never invest in real estate, you won’t see any appreciation no matter what the market does.  The same is true for ourselves.  If we don’t invest in personal development, we’ll be the same person year after year.  But books, seminars, audio programs, and coaching can open new doors of opportunity and exponentially change your level of success.  So what’s 3% of your monthly income?  If you make $4000 then you have $120 to invest in personal development.  Give up Starbucks, Cable TV or a new shirt – but don’t deprive yourself of this.  It’s just 3%…

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What about me and dating again?

You will date again.  When is up to you, your children and your situation.  Your children do figure into how, when, who and how much you date.  Why you want to date is also important; socially, friendship, for fun or to marry again.  Where you find someone to date is also important; at your children’s activities, church groups, coed classes or clubs or single parent support groups.

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