JAMES CRUISE Ministries Blog

God chooses what we go through. We choose how we go through it.

Archive for the category “Parenting”

Everything You Need To Know About Parenting in 12 Jim Gaffigan Quotes


The Original Dad Bod

Everything You Need To Know About Parenting in 12 Jim Gaffigan Quotes

If you’re like most parents, when your kid’s first full written sentence is “Dad is fat,” you go find a book about how to raise respectful children or properly address body image issues. If you’re Jim Gaffigan, you go write a book about how to be a good parent when you have no idea what you’re doing — and use that sentence as the title. Gaffigan has plenty to say about parenthood, and for good reason; his brood of 5 kids provides endless material including these 12 timeless revelations.

On How Kids Perceive Sleep Compared To Adults
“Bedtime makes you realize how completely incapable you are of being in charge of another human being. My children act like they’ve never been to sleep before. ‘Bed? What’s that? No, I’m not doing that.’ They never want to go to bed. This is another thing that I will never have in common with my children. Every morning when I wake up, my first thought is, ‘When can I come back here?’ It’s the carrot that keeps me motivated. Sometimes going to bed feels like the highlight of my day. Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings. Once the lights are out, you can expect at least an hour of inmates clanging their tin cups on the cell bars.”

On Your Actual Purpose For Toddlers
“I used to wonder why I had hair on my legs, but now I know it’s for my toddler sons and daughters to pull themselves up off the ground with as I scream in pain.”

On The Law Behavioral Averages
“Children have a tendency to behave as poorly as the most poorly behaved kid in the room. The laws of physics dictate that if there is a kid screaming and running in the hallway of a hotel, all the other children will scream and run in the hallway of the hotel.”

On The Flawed Programming Of Toddlers
“Toddler judgment is horrible. They don’t have any. Put a 12-month-old on a bed, and they will immediately try and crawl off headfirst like a lemming on a mindless migration mission. But the toddler mission is never mindless. They have two goals: find poison and find something to destroy.”

On Whether Or Not You’re Qualified To Be A Parent
“Every night before I get my one hour of sleep, I have the same thought: ‘Well, that’s a wrap on another day of acting like I know what I’m doing.’ I wish I were exaggerating, but I’m not. Most of the time, I feel entirely unqualified to be a parent. I call these times being awake.”

On Kids’ Music
“There should be a children’s song, ‘If You’re Happy and You Know It, Keep It To Yourself And Let Your Dad Sleep.”

On What It’s Like For You When You Have A Lot Of Kids …
“You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”

… And What It’s Like For Everyone Else
“Big families are like waterbed stores; they used to be everywhere, and now they’re just weird.”

On Babies Versus Roommate
“Babies are the worst roommates. They’re unemployed. They don’t pay rent. They keep insane hours. Their hygiene is horrible. If you had a roommate that did any of the things babies do, you’d ask them to move out. ‘Do you remember what happened last night? Today you’re all smiles, but last night you were hitting the bottle really hard. Then you started screaming, and you threw up on me. Then you passed out and wet yourself. I went into the other room to get you some dry clothes, I came back, and you were all over my wife’s breasts! Right in front of me, her husband! Dude, you gotta move out.'”

On That Cat Steven’s Song
“The song goes, ‘Morning has broken,’ and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it, they’ll never admit it.”

On Sleep Training
“There are two philosophies when it comes to getting young children to sleep. There is ‘sleep training,’ which basically involves putting your kids to bed and listening to them scream all night; or there is ‘attachment parenting,’ which essentially involves lying down with your kids, cuddling them, and then listening to them scream all night.”

On The Secret To Life
“People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?”


Two Homes—Sharing Your Children

Become a Super Single Parent

Make your children feel at home wherever they are.  Make each parent’s residence feel like “home” to your children.  Adjusting from home to home can cause confusion in your children’s minds.

  • Keep necessary things at both homes for the kids comfort. Example: toothpaste, brush, toys, etc.
  • Make responsibilities and chores fair at both homes.
  • Establish similar bedtimes at both homes.
  • Always allow the children to call their other parent.  Keep the phone lines open.
  • Give each child a calendar and highlight the days they will spend with you.
  • Try to keep similar house rules at each home.  Don’t confuse the children.
  • Set up a schedule for when the children stay at each home and stick to it.
  • Try to stay consistent when it comes to the children’s schedules.
  • Make sure both homes receive the same information such as announcements & report cards.
  • It takes one to three days for your kids to settle down into a routine once they change homes.

Schedule some one-on-one time with each child while you are together. Make them feel wanted

AUTHORITY – Running Your Home – Who’s In Charge?

As a Single Parent:

You and you alone are in charge of running your home.  Not your children, not your ex spouse, not anyone else.  Only You!  Period! It’s your life, control your own destiny. You’re the adult – they’re the children. Your children should not run their own lives; you know what’s best for them. You rule your house, it does not rule you. You will feel better and less stressed when things are under YOUR CONTROL. Life will be better when you are the one at the steering wheel, in control.

“Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who step on their toes.”  Chinese Proverb

“The wisest have the most authority.”  Plato

Reading with my Son – 283 Miles Apart

My oldest son, Jamie sent me the book, “Uncommon Life Daily Challenge”, a one year devotional by Tony Dungy. He bought the book for himself also. We live 283 miles apart. So, each day of this year we will be reading the exact same devotional thought. That’s 365 days we will be reading and thinking and praying about the same things each day. How cool is that!


Visite us at our website http://www.jamescruise.com to learn more about being a single parent.

The Loneliest Men & Women

The loneliest men and women are those older men and women whose children don’t want anything to do with them.  As a single parent you will never have enough time for everything you need to do.  Remember to take time for your children.  They’re what your life is all about now.  How are you going to keep your children actively in your life, all your life? I am reminded of the words from the song by Harry Chapin, “Cat’s in the Cradle”.


Cat’s in the Cradle

Harry Chapin

My child arrived just the other day

He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say “I’m gonna be like you dad
You know I’m gonna be like you”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home dad?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today
I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok”
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head and said with a smile
“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then




Family is family, no matter what you are going through.  We all need family no matter how much we believe that not to be the case.  Family is about blood and blood is as they say, thicker than water.  Family is about loving even in times of disagreement and discontent.  It’s about caring even when it’s last on your want to do list.  Family is not just about birth relations, it’s about much, much more.  Family is a feeling, a comfort level, a wanting to be a part of and wanting to be with.  Family is more than just about money, grades, stuff, feelings, jealousies and miss trusts.  Family is never perfect, none ever are.  It’s about forgiveness, helping, needing, growing up, learning, sharing, making mistakes and saying “I’m sorry” and “I love you”.  Family is about life.  Life has its ups and downs; family has its ups and downs.  Family is about accepting, no matter what.  It’s about reunions and shared experiences and stories that last through generations.  Nothing perfect, that’s what family is. US and WE!

“Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.”  Unknown

“The family.  We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.”  Erma Bombeck

“To us, family means  putting your arms around each other and being there.”    Barbara Bush

“In time of test, family is best.”


Recommended Book for Parenting

Bringing Out THE WINNER in Your Child

by John Croyle with Ken Abraham

  • Children listen with their eyes, not their ears
  • Realistic boundaries produce the freedom children need
  • Quality time never comes, you have to make it


School – You & Your Children

Grades are important.  They are indicators of how your child is learning and adjusting to their life changes as they grow up.

When children are having emotional issues, they usually show up in their lower grades at school.

Remember!  It’s their – homework – projects – grades – NOT YOURS.

Your children need a scheduled homework time set aside.

Children of single parents, as a national average, tend to under achieve in school.

You must impress upon your children, the importance success in school will have in their success in life after school. Success in school for your children doesn’t happen by itself.

Success in school is a family activity.

Your children need your assistance.

Your child should do all their homework by themselves.  You should only help when they absolutely can’t figure it out.

School projects, if left to the child to do on their own, will teach them more about who they are and what they can do than just about anything they can do.

Parent – Teacher Conferences are important – don’t miss them.

School work and learning should be enjoyable and self promoting.  Put your children in a position to enjoy as they learn.

School is important in the success of your children!

 “The difference between school and life?

In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test.

In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.”

Tom Bodett




Playing With Your Children

Strive to really be “in the moment” when playing with your children.  Leave other concerns, responsibilities, and agendas somewhere else.

Plan some time to just play with your children – even if it’s just for a few minutes.

Ask your children what they want to do with you, and do it.  Let them take the lead.

No matter what your children’s age, come up with an activity you can do together that will help them develop physically, emotionally, socially, morally and intellectually.

Playing means having fun, laughing and smiling.

Remember how you liked to be played with when you were a child.

It’s the best way to bond with your children.

Don’t underestimate the power of play in your relationship with your children.

Build a deeper relationship with your children and enjoy them.

Enjoy your children.  They are God’s gift to you.

Don’t always play with all your children together, at the same.  They each need quality individual time play time with you.

When possible – Give each child some quality individual play time.



“A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much fun

out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings

as it does out of finding a small green worm.”

                                                                                    Bill Vaughn


“Kids go where there is excitement.

 They stay where there is love.”

                                                                                    Zig Ziglar

Dad Daughter sled





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